MAD MEN AND MISFITS

It is pointless to go into too many details of where I am right now and all the politics I am dealing with. I will openly admit that I am doing this guesthouse thing because I need the money, but it is making me seriously unhappy.

Mountain top, Simonsberg

Last night I was apparently high, because I did not want to sit and drink with the Boss, (I do  not get the logic here, but apparently if you do not want to get drunk, you must be high) and then his morning I was to drunk (last night) to take any decent photos. This comes from somebody that started drinking 11H00 yesterday morning. He hasn’t even looked at the photos yet, but the decision is already made. Now there is liquor missing and it must be me! I am dealing with an insane alcoholic and his Catholic sidekick. They deserve each other, but I deserve better.

The truth is I am here out of desperation, not because of passion. I cannot deal with drunken stupidity and religious insanity, especially not a combination of the two! But the Catholic and the alcoholic will tell you another story and that story goes that I am a mad maniac that drinks and smokes dope and have really crazy ideas etc. etc. etc. I got through the Eco communities without any issues about drugs, yet in “normal” I suddenly have all sorts of problems, how ironic. I do understand/perceive that the poor Catholic fool is only desperately trying to hang on to his own job, so now I am the worst thing on the planet, yet all I want is a better world where ones worth is not completely and utterly determined by your bank balance. Am I the complete idiot or the eternal idealist?

There is also this question that needs to be answered. Why am I always the rebel, always in the “wrong”? I have to ask; maybe it is time for some serious self analysis. One thing I do know it the fact that I have gone too far with the whole process of wanting to create a better world and going green to just turn around and forget it. I found a passion; I cannot just let it go. Something like a swimming pool pump that runs 24/7 will drive me insane, it is not whether you can afford it or not, that is not the point! It is the waste of water and electricity for selfish and mindless reasons that freak me out!

The moon doing a roller coaster ride...

The sad fact is that I have also learned that community living and the green ways can be just as hard to deal with, it seems like wherever there are people there are issues, or is it just me? Am I the problem?

I am not exactly a conformist; that I do know, but to take abuse and bullying for the sake of income and to compromise everything you believe in and stand for, have and will never work for me. Riaan also said something that is very true, “if you have to constantly defend and proof yourself, you are obviously in the wrong place”.

And the sun sets again...

Well, as usual I got myself into this situation; it is up to me to get out of it. Just another loop in the roller coaster ride I call my life…

WARPED WORLD AND WITCHES

Cottages with Simonsberg in the back

You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you didn’t have the courage to commit...Oscar Wilde.

That is such a load of bull, maybe it worked for old Oscar, but in my experience people dislike you for having courage and being different or maybe I am just attracting all the wrong people?

I have wonderful but weird energies surrounding me, there are also double 11 in my numerology, this is very strong energy and I have been told that some people sense this, without knowing what they sense and if they are ”not so nice” or have bad intent I will become a target. I do not know if this is true, but some real strange things have and are happening to me and some people do tend to absolutely dislike me for no reason. It is also a huge challenge to keep some sort of balance in my life; it goes from extreme to extreme.

Right now my world is rather “warp zone”, with a lot of Déjàvu. It is also funny how your old “sins” keeps on coming back to haunt you, or shall I rather say how people tend to dig them up whenever they need ammunition and how others are simply willing to believe it all, regardless who or what the source of information is.

On my previous stay here, there was the White Nissan Hard body, I was accused of driving drunk and denting it, the truth is, I was stone cold sober and reversed into a tree (in a blind spot) and only the footrest was bend. This time I am again left with a White Nissan Hard body, I took somebody to the airport and ran out of petrol (I suppose I was lucky, because I did make it back to the farm), but in the process of trying to work out why it just dies on me, it moved forward and bumped into a wall. Just the bumper is damaged, again the truth of the matter is that it was daytime and I was sober, but again there are accusation of drunken driving. As I said - warp zone and bizarre.

Then apparently one of the tenants thinks I am a complete idiot. I am now walking around getting high, but wait there is more, I am doing it almost on top of people, I am going so far as to blow it in their faces, she can smell me on her porch!

Beautiful old farmhouse, from the garden

The story about the smoking and the Nissan comes from the same woman, she claims she saw me drive in at night and “cash” into the wall, I can’t help but wonder what she was stripping on..

You give somebody a letter asking them to please pay some rent again one day and they feel belittled and decide to “shoot the messenger” and suddenly the messenger is a pot-head alcoholic with a mission to destroy every white Nissan on the planet.  Is this woman an evil bitch or just a really sad and scared person? I haven’t decided yet.

The only conclusion or sense I can make here is that it is an uncompleted cycle from the past, coming back for completion. Otherwise the world has really gone completely warped… let us see if justice prevails this time round.

As always I find my “salvation” and sanity in nature and in the garden. I rescued some strawberries from the “weeds” this weekend. As always the weeding gave me the chance to get rid of a lot of frustration and anger. I also hugged a few trees…

Strawberries rescued