It is pointless to go into too many details of where I am right now and all the politics I am dealing with. I will openly admit that I am doing this guesthouse thing because I need the money, but it is making me seriously unhappy.
Mountain top, Simonsberg
Last night I was apparently high, because I did not want to sit and drink with the Boss, (I do not get the logic here, but apparently if you do not want to get drunk, you must be high) and then his morning I was to drunk (last night) to take any decent photos. This comes from somebody that started drinking 11H00 yesterday morning. He hasn’t even looked at the photos yet, but the decision is already made. Now there is liquor missing and it must be me! I am dealing with an insane alcoholic and his Catholic sidekick. They deserve each other, but I deserve better.
The truth is I am here out of desperation, not because of passion. I cannot deal with drunken stupidity and religious insanity, especially not a combination of the two! But the Catholic and the alcoholic will tell you another story and that story goes that I am a mad maniac that drinks and smokes dope and have really crazy ideas etc. etc. etc. I got through the Eco communities without any issues about drugs, yet in “normal” I suddenly have all sorts of problems, how ironic. I do understand/perceive that the poor Catholic fool is only desperately trying to hang on to his own job, so now I am the worst thing on the planet, yet all I want is a better world where ones worth is not completely and utterly determined by your bank balance. Am I the complete idiot or the eternal idealist?
There is also this question that needs to be answered. Why am I always the rebel, always in the “wrong”? I have to ask; maybe it is time for some serious self analysis. One thing I do know it the fact that I have gone too far with the whole process of wanting to create a better world and going green to just turn around and forget it. I found a passion; I cannot just let it go. Something like a swimming pool pump that runs 24/7 will drive me insane, it is not whether you can afford it or not, that is not the point! It is the waste of water and electricity for selfish and mindless reasons that freak me out!
The moon doing a roller coaster ride...
The sad fact is that I have also learned that community living and the green ways can be just as hard to deal with, it seems like wherever there are people there are issues, or is it just me? Am I the problem?
I am not exactly a conformist; that I do know, but to take abuse and bullying for the sake of income and to compromise everything you believe in and stand for, have and will never work for me. Riaan also said something that is very true, “if you have to constantly defend and proof yourself, you are obviously in the wrong place”.
And the sun sets again...
Well, as usual I got myself into this situation; it is up to me to get out of it. Just another loop in the roller coaster ride I call my life…
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